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Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 01:09 am Emo dump
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
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Date:July 10th, 2006 07:24 am (UTC)
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Sometimes it's depressing to realize the truth. I run into folks that say I'm 'famous' in some circles in furry fandom. But what does that mean, really?

The simple truth is, I'm a slut. I'm a small time model. I'm a pretty face that waves and causes stares, but offers no other value to society as a whole.

That can be a pretty unpleasant thing to realize. It happened to me a long time ago. There's certain things that can be a real crutch to fame. Being trans* is definitely one of them as people around the furries often have a taste for the unusual and transsexual is probably seen as a courageous move that many furries can only dream of as there isn't technology to make them into a real dragon or leopard or whatever.

it can be a very hollow feeling though, to realize that a lot of your fame or the attention you get isn't because you're really better than anyone else, but that you have a gimmick which makes you more interesting than people you consider more accomplished. Those little compliments that have the tiniest burrs attached to them, "You're really pretty. Especially for a trans*. I'd never have known if you hadn't told me.", "You're so brave to be going through all of this."

As long as you are that icon and keep a happy face and don't spoil people's dillusion that you're some kind of god, it grants you easy fame... but it can be very empty at times, even painful, because you can see what they can't.

You can do several things with it. You can bask in it, use it until you're last year's news. You can use it to drive you to do better and more interesting things and get the fame in a way that's better suited to your self-worth and identity, or you can reject the fame, hide from it, and people will suddenly start seeing you as bitter, angry, and unhappy because, you aren't just rejecting a fame you don't feel worthy of, you're cramping their fantasies of you, and that's a nearly unforgivable sin.

The second path is the best, but also the most challenging to fullfill. Whichever way you chose, good luck. None of the roads are easy in the long run.