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Jul. 10th, 2006 @ 01:09 am Emo dump
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Sometimes it's depressing to realize the truth. I run into folks that say I'm 'famous' in some circles in furry fandom. But what does that mean, really?

The simple truth is, I'm a slut. I'm a small time model. I'm a pretty face that waves and causes stares, but offers no other value to society as a whole.

All my talents lay outside the fandom, I offer nothing of value, but people still consider me their friend. I do not really understand, I am unable see what I offer to folks that others could in my place. In all situations I do nothing but take up space, everything I can offer or do, others can do ten times better and quicker.

I mean, I try hard not to be a bitch, and to annoy people. That is more than some in the fandom, but that's hardly a shining beacon of an accomplishment. Once again, many people are much more patient and caring than I.

I just don't understand...I'm nothing special.
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From:cyriljackal
Date:July 10th, 2006 05:12 am (UTC)
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You're someone I like. That is all.
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From:alistor
Date:July 10th, 2006 05:15 am (UTC)
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By the looks of it you do seem to know a lot of well known artists andyes they do depict rather *ahem* sexy. But seriously under that body you have a mind, you're a tease an a number of people like that (me included!) but you're also a person who would be great to talk to for hours and hours about nothing really important. I quite frankly am glad to have met you in person to realize this.
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From:cyriljackal
Date:July 10th, 2006 05:18 am (UTC)
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P.S. You sound exactly like Vulp.
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From:circuit_four
Date:July 10th, 2006 05:25 am (UTC)
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Well, there are admirers and then there are friends. I guess once in a while I stop and think, "Yeah. I guess she is nominally the same Pathia I have a few pin-ups up. Neat. Huh." And then I go on liking you because you're this gal I know who's impressed me by growing substantially in a short period of the time. Being adorable in spandex is sort of functionally irrelevant. O:)
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From:bossgoji
Date:July 10th, 2006 05:33 am (UTC)
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I like you because you're funny, not an asshole, and have a sympathetic ear. And you know, we really do not give "not being an asshole" enough credit in this fandom.
From:kyhwana
Date:July 10th, 2006 05:41 am (UTC)
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I like you because you're interesting, and smart!
Not because you're a slut. (Not that i'd get any anyway. ;)
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From:glashund
Date:July 10th, 2006 06:02 am (UTC)
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In truth, I had no idea you were any flavor of "famous" until your pre-AC'06 posts on the subject, and it really didn't matter; I thought you were pretty awesome before then, after spending some time around you at Thanksgiving last year, and I still do.

As for many people being more patient and caring, well, all I can say to that is that you've seemed kind and understanding well beyond the call of duty when it comes to my social awkwardness and general nerd-factor. That first AIM conversation we had pretty much made my evening, as did visiting you on Taps. Being able to do that for someone...that certainly seems special to me.

And yes, you are pretty, as I've been noticing more in recent meetings. :) But that's gravy, really. Pretty faces are plentiful in this world; something I noticed much earlier is that you're funny, intelligent, and just good to talk to and be around. That's something special.

Oh, and you like (and play) awesome music. ;)

In closing, <3.
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From:tadakimacun
Date:July 10th, 2006 06:12 am (UTC)
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Nothing special? You're one of the people I look forward to seeing most every B-burg trip, and you're not special!?

You're fun to talk to, kind, and intelligent. I also think you're beautiful both in your fursona and out of it. You have an almost ethereal look about you sometimes. And the best part is that that ethereal look matches a brilliant and equally beautiful soul. I know, sounds pretty corny, but that's how I see you. A beautiful soul, inside and out.
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From:tyrc
Date:July 10th, 2006 07:08 am (UTC)
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Nor am I so special. Nor did I know you were popular, or important, or anything else when I first met you and became your friend. Nor does it matter now that I do.

When you are yourself, and are nor worried over this fame, or distressed at your own limits, you're absolutely wonderful to me. I'm biased, and I find it hard to find fault in you, its true, but I still feel this is all valid, dear..

And, while it is for myself too and always, as I progress in life, I have you in mind, Rachel.. for whatever myriad reasons this has become true, doesn't it make you special at least in some way? At least, to me..

I'll be thinking of you, as distant as life has had us lately.. so, think better of yourself for me. Its more fitting, for all I think of you..!
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From:dv_girl
Date:July 10th, 2006 07:24 am (UTC)
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Sometimes it's depressing to realize the truth. I run into folks that say I'm 'famous' in some circles in furry fandom. But what does that mean, really?

The simple truth is, I'm a slut. I'm a small time model. I'm a pretty face that waves and causes stares, but offers no other value to society as a whole.


That can be a pretty unpleasant thing to realize. It happened to me a long time ago. There's certain things that can be a real crutch to fame. Being trans* is definitely one of them as people around the furries often have a taste for the unusual and transsexual is probably seen as a courageous move that many furries can only dream of as there isn't technology to make them into a real dragon or leopard or whatever.

it can be a very hollow feeling though, to realize that a lot of your fame or the attention you get isn't because you're really better than anyone else, but that you have a gimmick which makes you more interesting than people you consider more accomplished. Those little compliments that have the tiniest burrs attached to them, "You're really pretty. Especially for a trans*. I'd never have known if you hadn't told me.", "You're so brave to be going through all of this."

As long as you are that icon and keep a happy face and don't spoil people's dillusion that you're some kind of god, it grants you easy fame... but it can be very empty at times, even painful, because you can see what they can't.

You can do several things with it. You can bask in it, use it until you're last year's news. You can use it to drive you to do better and more interesting things and get the fame in a way that's better suited to your self-worth and identity, or you can reject the fame, hide from it, and people will suddenly start seeing you as bitter, angry, and unhappy because, you aren't just rejecting a fame you don't feel worthy of, you're cramping their fantasies of you, and that's a nearly unforgivable sin.

The second path is the best, but also the most challenging to fullfill. Whichever way you chose, good luck. None of the roads are easy in the long run.
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From:astor_apatosaur
Date:July 10th, 2006 12:48 pm (UTC)
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I've known you a long time. I always thought you were fun and imaginative. I know we don't talk nearly as much as we used to now...a lot has changed. A lot of stuff I just don't know how to talk about, or help with. It makes me feel like a weak friend, and perhaps I am.

But I've always liked our time together, however brief these days, and I hope that we don't drift entirely as time goes on. I see this choppy part as something to be worked through, however rough it is.

I like you and I think you're a good person. I never saw a celebrity, anyways. I guess I don't forget that people are just people in most cases. And you're good people. *hug*
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From:wolffit
Date:July 10th, 2006 01:20 pm (UTC)
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I just don't understand...I'm nothing special.

That's why you're special.
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From:doodlesthegreat
Date:July 10th, 2006 01:21 pm (UTC)
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The physical attraction was certainly what drew me in, but it's listening to you as a person that kept me interested in sticking around. As for fame... It's fleeting. So it's better not to dwell on it and worth it to focus on the parts that last.
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From:jonesybunny
Date:July 10th, 2006 01:22 pm (UTC)
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You've voiced the same questions I ask myself. Why do I have this fame in the fandom? I'm just a normal person, nobody special.

I think the responses of your friends there are correct...it's how they think of you individually. I myself would love to get to know you better, but I wait because you have a tough time lately, and I'd only be a nuisance for lack of being able to help.

My own answer on the main question is though: You're an interesting person, you're intelligent and I'm sure your characters that you've created are ones I'd like to know more about, see what you've created. :)
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From:otter3
Date:July 10th, 2006 01:38 pm (UTC)
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Hi. Club. Welcome to it.

Maybe we could form a band. Sgt. Vixen's Lonely Hearts Club Band.
From:silussa
Date:July 10th, 2006 02:54 pm (UTC)
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I've known you for some years, although I think it's safe to say not at a deep "friend" level. And while I could come up with a long listing, I suppose, let me point out the obvious....you've done things that could just as easily have not been done, and been true to yourself in the process.

That's more then a lot of us can say, myself included.
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From:doctorwednesday
Date:July 10th, 2006 02:56 pm (UTC)
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As I interpret your statement, it appears you are saying that friendship must always be conditional on some practical usefulness to another person. But that is not how friendships behave in practice. In fact, I would suggest that any affection felt for you by others is more pure than that which they might have for a well-known artist or talent, because the question of what favor might be done for them does not color the relationship. I understand we live in a meritocracy, but having no product to provide does not make you worthless.

Now, if you feel bad or guilty because you feel you can't reciprocate such talents in a way commensurate with them, I would suggest you leave such judgments to the individuals who are quite happy to do favors for you because of the person you are. And if we are discussing a simple sharing of company, I would have you put feelings of inadequacy out of your head; we all have them, and they are of no use to us.

As for 'slut', one really must be more than a near-virgin to earn that designation, must not one? (smile)
From:brahma_minotaur
Date:July 10th, 2006 04:09 pm (UTC)
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You're always very sweet when we chat, and that means a lot in my life.
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From:hyenastatue
Date:July 10th, 2006 04:41 pm (UTC)
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You're nothing special? Not likely. You're a friend, and for me that's saying quite a bit. Quirky? Sure, but that's part of your charm - the mundane can be boring. Fun? Absotively. A slut? Not hardly, and I'll bonk someone with a Squeakie Mallet O' Doom for suggesting otherwise. *brandishes mallet menacingly*

So you have talents that lie beyond the fandom; so does everyone else. That just means we have more incentive to get to know you, since you're not one-dimensional. Besides, would you honestly think that everyone would spontaneously say 'Hey, let's pay attention to the same person, regardless of whether they're worth it or not'? No way! Everyone made their own mind up, and I'm sorry, hon... it was thumb's up all around. 'Fraid you're gonna have to live with being a nice person. :)

So says the wallflower on the wall.
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From:azraile
Date:July 10th, 2006 05:51 pm (UTC)
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*hugs*

Your smart, your cute, your nice.....your a good person.

What else do people need?

Heck being a truely good person is speshal some times to some people *nuzzles*
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From:kereminde
Date:July 10th, 2006 08:45 pm (UTC)
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You have more to offer people than *I* do. All I offer is debt :D Ask my last two roommates. I'm, on top of this, also nothing special . . .

As for you . . . well, being a nice person is why I like you. Even if you are kinda spacey, that's fine with me. Meeting you and hanging out for a time occassionally helped me know you beyond the computer screen. I really did like what I see.


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From:morphyloon
Date:July 10th, 2006 11:25 pm (UTC)
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I dunno about 'famous' but you're a friend to me. :)
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From:kynn
Date:July 11th, 2006 12:49 am (UTC)
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I like you, but I am puzzled as to why you're "famous." You say you're a "model" but honestly, um, people don't really model for furry art.

So I'm puzzled. I think you're a nice person, though.
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From:pathia
Date:July 11th, 2006 04:47 am (UTC)
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Hence why it is 'famous' not famous and specifically in certain sectors, not all. I don't think anyone is really actually famous in furry fandom.

I just mean alot of people know who I am, and do things like mention they jack off to art of my character to me when I meet them at cons, even if I don't know who they are before hand.
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From:ilthuain
Date:July 11th, 2006 02:04 am (UTC)
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You're an internet celebrity?

Does that pay pretty well? Just askin' 'cause I've been looking to do some moonlighting.
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From:ionotter
Date:July 11th, 2006 02:21 am (UTC)

Meep?

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I only knew you as Dracono, and only through Lly? Moreover, I had no idea you were famous or anything until you started mentioning it in your journal.

So I never really judged you on any of that, and honestly? I haven't judged you at all. You're just someone I like, and would like to get to know better/more.
From:mooglyguy
Date:July 18th, 2006 06:27 pm (UTC)
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I do not know you, and know very little of you - my involvement in the furry community is as minimal as I can have it while remaining a furry - yet I can sympathize with you a great deal.

My talents lay entirely outside of the fandom; I cannot draw, I cannot create fursuits. Indeed, I cannot even aspire to be "a pretty face," as you so succinctly put it. However, at the risk of being overly bold, I must point out an error in your thinking; from this post, it appears that you attempt to define yourself in terms of what you are to the fandom, but this is not the best choice in terms of a definition.

You must not define yourself by your utility or inutility with respect to a given community, or even another person; communities can fracture, and people can leave. Instead, you should find something about yourself, regardless of others, that you enjoy, or that you are proud of. Do not attempt to compare this attribute or accomplishment against others, for one can bring oneself to envy in perpetuity.

For what little the opinion of someone who knows little about you means, I can point out two admirable attributes that you have: First, you seem surprisingly candid, kind and caring. There are few people in the furry fandom at large who have the heart to care one whit about what others think, and less people still who would not let furry 'fame' - for what it is worth - go to their respective heads. Second, you seem intelligent. Again, from what I have seen about you on this journal, you strike me as well-read, and your textual elocution is impeccable. In a sea of SMS-ese, it brings a smile to me to see someone intelligent enough to convey hir feelings, thoughts and stories in a comprehensible manner.

In summation, do not put the locus of your self-worth in any given fandom, as for the most part, subcultures are their own voids. Define your worth in your own terms and on your own terms, because you are the only person who has the right to do so.

If you need someone to vent at further, do not hesitate to drop me a line. I am always around.