I’ve kept it rather quiet here for the last few weeks, and for no particular reason other than the need to have gender drama more or less completely disappeared when I went fulltime this semester. I don’t actually think about anything other than just being me now. This is merely rambling thoughts on things in general from my own perspectives and experiences, so I use myself as an example, but it is not meant to gather pity or complain etc. I can’t step into other people’s lives, so I have no right to comment on any other basis than my own.
First of all I really dislike the word ‘passing’ but there really is no other way to describe it in this rambling entry. The word seems more appropriate for crossdressers and drag queens. Passing as something you are not, when in transsexuality the case is not to be something you’re not, but to be what you believe yourself to be internally. If anyone has a better word for it that conveys the same meaning, please feel free to say so below.
Who do you ‘pass’ for and who do you not? I think it is highly dependent on how long someone has known you whether one ‘passes’ or not. I have found it exceedingly hard to convince my closest friends and family who have known me for years and years. No matter how I look, they still see Rich visually and they still hear Rich speak. While complete strangers, or people I have only known online and meet for the first time actually can’t tell, even when I speak. According to them my voice is androgynous, or tomboyish. However, when I speak around old friends and family they hear Rich, and thus think it is a male voice despite the fact I apparently never have had a masculine voice but it is just because I was in a male role all those years that people associate it with that. My voice is deep, but there’s little to be done about that, my inflections are apparently what make it androgynous, I honestly I have no idea what I do. I just speak the way I speak.
There is a second group that it is often exceedingly hard to pass with in their eyes, other transsexuals. Why is this so? Transsexuals, both FTM and MTF are extremely aware of gender cues, one might even say painfully so, and thus is much more likely to pick up on those presenting as another gender. I myself have actually clocked or ‘read’ people as transsexual when they were not, and my discussion with fellow TS’s find this not to be an oddity only experienced by myself, almost all of us seem to have done it. However, this is sometimes counterbalanced by the tendency for TS’s to not wish to offend each other, so they don’t always express their internal thoughts on ‘passability’ of individuals that ask about it.
I guess that’s all for now, my brain is semi-dead now, yay pharmaceuticals.