November 27th, 2008



Was hollow. Everyone was depressed, quiet, not much laughter, everything tasted bland. I miss Mom, we all missed Mom. It's never going to be the same anymore. We sat down, tried to pray, but we all cried even my uncle who's a Methodist minister just burst into tears in the middle of his prepared prayer. No one spoke for a long while after that, I really don't know how it's going to be later, it's only going to get worse as the holidays progress. Mom was the center of all of our holiday events, she organized it all, she was the glue. We all love and care for each other, but the strongest link has passed on.

More thoughts:

Part of what makes it worse, is that it is so awkward. I've spoken of my personal reasons in a prior post, but made a lot of choices in the end, and the family split. My brothers and I supported our father, because we saw mom slowly get crazier, we believed her to be dillusional...the rest of the family? They believed mom, or at least, believed that they should believe mom so she could be happy.

It's this big hidden untalked about bomb sitting in the middle of every gathering, and no one's opinions have really changed. I've asked probing questions, to see if anything could be fixed, or brought together, but I'm pretty sure all that would happen would be a metric ton of hurt feelings, shouting and perhaps even more fracturing.
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