May 16th, 2006


living in terror

Sleeping with the lights off and no one else in the bed is a bad idea. I'm going to sleep with the lights on until tyrc gets back from work.

What happened?

As soon as the lights went out, whether or not my eyes were open I saw..things, everywhere, and then things on my skin. Then I felt a sparkling tingle running through my body, which didn't help when it looked like I had things on my body. That made it FEEL like they were there. Then I simply burst into tears, but it wasn't over yet...

I saw dead people, shades of people alive and dead, but all of these were dead. Not trying to be funny, I did...they didn't have faces. It was like something out of a horror movie. Still it wasn't over.

Thoughts of suicide simply flooded my head, I'm fairly resourceful, it wouldn't take me long to rig something. Then I realized who's bed I'd be found dead in, and what it would do to her. I had no thoughts of the complications that doing something like that would do to myself, only that it would cause great distress for tyrc and the rest in this house. Then sanity returned to me and I burst into tears again at my retardedness.

Finally starting to calm down again.

I'm beginning to understand why scientologists say shrinks are evil O_O
  • Current Mood
    distressed distressed

They're back

Soon as I mention to ilthuain in the earlier entry about panic attacks one happens. This is the first one I've had of this nature in 8months, I think it can be safely said the lexapro stopped them.

I was returning from the bathroom and thought I saw something in the corner of my eye.

Then I came to collapsed on the floor. I think it was only a few seconds given the clock and such.

Welcome home, or something.