I'm more or less refusing to go home for the holidays this season due to the fiasco that happened when I went home for Dad's wedding. So far all the conversations have devolved into guilt tripping me and saying I'm selfish. Here are some of the reasons why it's critical that I go home for Christmas. Note: other family members are not getting this guilt tripping, only me.
I don't have kids
I don't have a family here
I'm not 'really married'
It's my fault for moving so far away
It's my fault for being so 'sensitive' to my family's constant political vomitting at the dinner table
So now they've managed to plant a seed of guilt in my stomach. I spend the entire night last night throwing up from the stress. It also proves without a doubt that my relationship is not considered 'real' by my family. It makes me sick, even moreso when it's obvious they don't even realize the harm of this and still don't get it if I explain WHY it hurts.
Why do I let them do this to me?
Not sure why, thought it was related to the temperature, guess not. One of those times when every joint, every bone, everywhere, all at once.
I really don't know what I'm doing anymore.
So isolated and cut off. I like seattle and I like my job and there are plenty of nice folk around, but I am always on the outside in the dark. Whenever I try to step into the light, it's awkward, embarrassing and feels incredibly forced to the point of probably offending people or making them dislike me even more. I feel like I am just sort of tolerated, let in the light from time to time out of pity rather than friendship or care. My presence is resented at times, maybe all the time.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have anywhere else to go anymore, I bet everything and lost.
If you're going to sit around, shit all over and endlessly harp and bitch about one particular site, talking about how you could do X, Y and Z better and how A, B and C are crap. I have a groundbreaking, mindfuckingly astounding suggestion for you.
Why don't you shut your fucking piehole and actually try. If your punk ass is so gobsmackingly smart and brilliant, why don't just fucking just do it? Put up, or shut-up.
Note: I'm not saying there isn't reason to criticize or comment negatively about something. It's just when your entire point is that 'I could do it better'. Then for christ's sake, GO DO IT, instead of constantly TALKING about it.
Just so folks know I haven't just say around groaning about my pain and doing nothing about it. Here's what's been tested and why I'm getting frustrated and depressed over the matter. There's literally nothing wrong with me. My blood pressure is a little high, but under this constant pain and stress, that in itself will cause it to rise. I've literally had 15 or so blood tests done over the last two months, outside of low vitamin D, there is absolutely nothing wrong with my joints or my body. Now all we're trying to do is find out WHAT kind of specialist to send me to.
Rheumatoid Arthritis: Negative
About a dozen different chemical imbalances: Negative
Here's what I've done so far.
1.) Get stuck repeatedly right at the start of the game, because the first NPC you meet was glitched
2.) Have bits and pieces of quests go missing, making them unsolvable.
3.) Invincible boss npcs with infinite hit points
4.) Invisible exp walls, I've hit 10 and it simply doesn't go farther after that, it just stops
5.) Random quests break in multiplayer, desynching me me from those I'm playing with and making me have to drop to single player to try to catch up.
6.) Had all my skill points vanish.
7.) Totally forgot this one, if you customize your win7 at all, your game...WILL NOT SAVE YOUR DATA. GENIUS!
I'm now on my 8th character, six of the ones before that are glitched and broken, unable to progress in the game any further, so I had to stop using them.
Other than THOSE things, it's an awesome game I guess -_-