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Dec. 18th, 2010 @ 01:03 pm Guilt Trips by my Family
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From:murrday
Date:December 19th, 2010 12:13 am (UTC)
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It is so not your fault! There you are, trying to live your life in the way that's right for you, and all they're doing is giving you so much stress it's literally making you sick. What's wrong here is *not* you. It's the stress!

It looks clear, from here, that doing what they want would be harmful to you. Pleasing them is not an option. Nothing that's healthy for you will content them. So doing what you have to, to protect yourself and insure your own survival, is what's necessary to focus on now.

I made a break from my birth relatives years ago, when I realized that holidays with them were making me miserable, and I deserved happiness, and peace. (As a vegetarian, I really didn't want to spend hours in front of a dead bird any more, for one thing. And the infighting was not comfortable either.)

I would take a holiday from the phone and e-mail, myself. Communicate by good old fashioned surface mail, because you can leave that sit until when, or if, you're ready to deal with it.

If it were me, in a nice card, I would write down what my decisions are, using I messages. Perhaps,
I have decided to stay on the west coast this year. My decision is firm. I am taking a break from telephone and e-mail discussions until (sometime in January or whenever works for you.) Then mail it, and stick to it. Program all family numbers to go directly to voicemail, and delete those messages without listening to them, until after New Years.

Do whatever it takes to get yourself through this holiday as sanely and healthily as you can. Fix yourself
some comfort food, snuggle in a warm blanket, have a nice hot bath or shower, watch a dragon movie, whatever helps you feel relaxed and calm.

And remember you are a woman of worth and courage. You deserve the good in life. Send the other
stuff packing. Hugs, Peg