I really don't know what I'm doing anymore.
So isolated and cut off. I like seattle and I like my job and there are plenty of nice folk around, but I am always on the outside in the dark. Whenever I try to step into the light, it's awkward, embarrassing and feels incredibly forced to the point of probably offending people or making them dislike me even more. I feel like I am just sort of tolerated, let in the light from time to time out of pity rather than friendship or care. My presence is resented at times, maybe all the time.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have anywhere else to go anymore, I bet everything and lost.