?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Dec. 10th, 2005 @ 06:04 pm Letter my mom wrote :)
She wrote this to her cancer support group, who are much more open than my extended family. Essentially her concerns are not of her own acceptance, she still loves me. She's just worried about how hard my life will be etc.





I'm on the pity pot, when I finish this post I will flush. If you don't

want to hear me whine don't read any further!


Obviously I'm back from Key West, we had a fantastic time & it
seems like a dream. The fact that we came home to snow, ice &
sub-freezing temps didn't help. Reality is highly overrated.


As some of my friends here know my oldest son came "out" this past
summer. He came out I went in. Strange how that happens. I can't even
begin to tell you the conflicting feelings I have. I've never thought
I really cared one way or the other abt a person's orientation, didn't
matter to me, have had many gay/lesbian friends & it wasn't ever an
issue. But they weren't my kid.


Last night he called to tell us he has a boyfriend. I felt
horrible telling him I wasn't ready to meet him. I wanted to scream
"this is supposed to be the NORMAL Christmas!!!". I have no idea what
a normal Christmas is but I wanted to have one this year. And I'm
appalled at myself for thinking this.


The annual Christmas letters have begun to arrive in the cards,
full of wonderful nauseating stories of perfect children. What boring
lives they must have I think.


I love my son with all my being & I will defend him to the
death, but at the same time my heart is broken thinking of the
difficult life he will have. The thought of his rejection by some in my
extended family makes my very soul weep, for I will choose my son every
time.


Yes Gilda it really is always something....
About this Entry
Pathiaicon
[User Picture Icon]
From:vond
Date:December 10th, 2005 11:12 pm (UTC)
(Permanent Link)
So when did you stop being some transgender thing (that you were still working on figuring out yourself) to being a gay man to your mom and brother? Is this a "baby steps" thing? Gay men don't go to OB/GYN's last I checked.
[User Picture Icon]
From:pathia
Date:December 11th, 2005 12:05 am (UTC)
(Permanent Link)
For my family transgender==gay.

Neither of them grok the gender thing, so they just think I'm gay. I'm slowly chiseling away at that. I tried to explain to them that in my headspace dating women would make me a lesbian, but that got nowhere *chuckle*
From:silussa
Date:December 11th, 2005 12:23 am (UTC)
(Permanent Link)

Well, if they ever grok the gender thing....hmm, you think they'll take that better or worse?

Should you mention to them that you know people who know people who think you're the perfect sex object? *wry grin*

[User Picture Icon]
From:hgryphon
Date:December 10th, 2005 11:27 pm (UTC)
(Permanent Link)
Ah, so it just came out wrong on the phone... Well, at least its a more positive attitude than what I've seen out there...
From:mulethunder
Date:December 10th, 2005 11:30 pm (UTC)
(Permanent Link)
Uninvited commentary follows, disregard as you please:

The moral of this story is that you should not press the issue. Especially not at Christmas. Do everything you can to get the holidays past you safely, and make a more subtle campaign of things over the later winter and early spring.

Her heart's in the right place. She's always felt that gays and such were generally alright, it's just that she's never had one associated with her before, especially in a way she's so helpless to control. If you read carefully, you'll note that what she's afraid of isn't YOUR acceptance with your extended family... it's what they'll think of HER for siding with you.

Be extremely, achingly grateful that the question she's asking isn't "should I side with him", but instead "how should I cope with siding with him".

Sorry. I don't mean any disrespect (etc) by all the above, I just really felt like saying something about it.
[User Picture Icon]
From:amberinside
Date:December 10th, 2005 11:48 pm (UTC)
(Permanent Link)
I'm tellin' ya....


http://www.pflag.org/


Take her, please.
[User Picture Icon]
From:pathia
Date:December 11th, 2005 12:06 am (UTC)
(Permanent Link)
I intend to when she's ready :)

She's all into cancer activism already, it shouldn't be too hard really.
[User Picture Icon]
From:prickvixen
Date:December 11th, 2005 12:43 am (UTC)
(Permanent Link)
Obviously I'm back from Key West, we had a fantastic time & it
seems like a dream.


KEY WEST?! Your parents are GAY, noooooo
[User Picture Icon]
From:pathia
Date:December 11th, 2005 02:37 am (UTC)
(Permanent Link)
My mom was born there :)
[User Picture Icon]
From:prickvixen
Date:December 11th, 2005 03:06 am (UTC)
(Permanent Link)
NOOOOOO
From:blogsareweird
Date:December 11th, 2005 02:30 am (UTC)

your mom is wacked

(Permanent Link)
let me tell you a story!
at work one of our guys went in for some massive tests with radioactive injected stuff to examines his insides.

worst case scenario is he has a cancer. treatable... but just not convenient.

otherwise he just has a tummy ache.

-----------
but...
-------

he's gotten a little testy because in the last 3 days i've seen him i've been asking him if he is deathly ill or has his results yet.

just trying to add humor to a situation i won't learn about for 20 more years.

--------------

peolpe at work made a very good point. i don't have to get acceptance over his cancer. it doesn't change my life. it affects him on a certain level.


i only thought of this because i think draconos mom is wacked out selfish.
dracono is becoming one of the bestest roomates i've ever seen. and i am super happy he found his exact self around our apartment.. cause otherwise virginia would have ... well virginia would have acted like his mom.


[User Picture Icon]
From:laceaurora
Date:December 11th, 2005 08:02 am (UTC)
(Permanent Link)
to know your mother will defend and support you to the death is an awesome thing to know :)
very cool mother
[User Picture Icon]
From:circuit_four
Date:December 12th, 2005 06:58 am (UTC)
(Permanent Link)
Remind me to play you "The Hammond Song" by the Roches one of these days...