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Dec. 9th, 2005 @ 10:57 pm So some stuff happened today.
Current Mood: lonelylonely
One for Two is better than Zero for Two.

The good news, well as good as it gets anyway. My brother was utterly unsurprised when I told him I was gay and had a boyfriend. He said he had suspected it from as early as freshman year in highschool. He mentioned my voice was androgynous. He said mom was just in denile if she claimed to have never noticed it before. We laughed a bit at the fact that he has all my 'missing testosterone'. I mentioned my gender dysphoria. This just sort of seemed to confuse him, but he didn't seem angry.

As speculated he changed his view when it was someone close. He quickly amended his previous statements about disliking gays to mean the onces that prance around in pride parades and such. Then he also went on about how 'your hormones are screwed up, so with you it's not a choice'. So, eh, I'll take what I can get.



I called my mom to talk about my visit with my brother, sister-in-law and niece. She was adamant that he would react badly and maybe even assault me over the matter. First she started ranting and raving about me 'telling too many people' so I told her okay, we'll just talk about this after christmas then so there's less drama. We'll, no, she changed her statement to 'I want you to tell no one anything, except me, you can tell me everything'. I continued saying we should wait until after the holidays, we have enough drama already. Oops. That means I have something to tell her, so she poked, prodded and guilt tripped until I spilled to her about my boyfriend.

Dead Silence. Apparently my dad was easedropping on the other phone, so he used this to announce his presence with "I don't approve" and not much else for awhile.

Other statements:
'We're very dissapointed in your choice in this chapter of your life, but we still love you. We do not approve and we do not want to meet him. We hope you will learn to like women' My unspoken though here was...um...learn to like women? I guess he wants me reprogrammed, too bad Exodus won't take me, intersex scares them.

'Doing what makes you happiest doesn't always make you happiest. You need to do something that helps others and improves the life of the...uh...planet'. To this I replied, how would having a boyfriend be any different than having a girlfriend in doing these endevors?
'I guess you have a point, but we still don't approve and never will understand.'

Then they gave me the 'society will be against you' speech.

Maybe society won't accept me, but I still have my friends.



Note: I'm not looking for pity here. Despite the post, I'm doing well. I think my reaction to their...er...reaction speaks to my progress. I'm not having a panic attack, I'm not sick. I'm dissapointed of course, but it's not the end of the world. I can't expect them to accept everything straight out, especially coming from where they are.
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From:hgryphon
Date:December 10th, 2005 04:05 am (UTC)
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This chapter of your life? Like, what, in chapter 12 you suddenly meet "the right girl" or something?

Parents say some strage things when they can't cope with "something different" than the "norm." And even if society is against you, it doesn't mean society was right.
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From:piseag
Date:December 10th, 2005 04:30 am (UTC)
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Yeah. Some of those statements don't make a lot of sense. Especially this one: "'Doing what makes you happiest doesn't always make you happiest. You need to do something that helps others and improves the life of the...uh...planet'."

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From:pathia
Date:December 10th, 2005 04:35 am (UTC)
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What my dad meant there is, that doing what feels happiest at one particular moment doesn't mean in the end it will be the happiest choice.
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From:hgryphon
Date:December 10th, 2005 05:51 am (UTC)
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So he didn't mean you were going to save the world by liking girls? Whew! I'm not sure if anyone could take that kind of pressure... ;)
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From:pathia
Date:December 10th, 2005 06:17 am (UTC)
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From:nviiibrown
Date:December 10th, 2005 09:06 am (UTC)
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From:prickvixen
Date:December 10th, 2005 04:40 am (UTC)

Try this:

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"I like women... I have several buried under my house!"

Is Exodus the thing where some child-molesting PE coach turned bounty hunter handcuffs you and transits you to Mexico?

'Doing what makes you happiest doesn't always make you happiest. You need to do something that helps others and improves the life of the...uh...planet'.

Whoa. That is really condescending, if I'm reading it right. Speak to Junior in hippie treehugger speak, that'll work!

That's like the ultimate terror to them, 'society will be against you.' But hasn't it been against you in other ways already?
From:blogsareweird
Date:December 10th, 2005 04:41 am (UTC)

i hope when i was gender bended

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i hope i had the honesty to still look at you like the silly "middle" freak that you are.

and if i had to correct any past statements.. i hope i made up for them by getting really offensive.

-----------

the furry thing is still rattling around my brain like a marble in a pinball machine. not the furry part.

but at work we were discussing "flicking" or "flipping" or something.

for those not in the know.. it's this wierd thing where not only are they in costume, but they "do stuff" too.

that one is fucking with my brain.

it just hurts... and i'm going on my third week now and just can't get quite straight with the whole flicking thing.
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From:pathia
Date:December 10th, 2005 04:50 am (UTC)

Re: i hope when i was gender bended

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About 80% of the people that read this are furry dude. ;)
From:brahma_minotaur
Date:December 10th, 2005 04:48 am (UTC)
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You still have your friends, all right. We won't forget you.
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From:bikercheetah
Date:December 10th, 2005 05:46 am (UTC)
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You still have parents. You still have friends. You still have your boyfriend. That's all that really needs to be said.
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From:kurai_twilight
Date:December 10th, 2005 05:51 am (UTC)
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You're making the best of things, and that's always good :D

(Yes, this is Matt from ODU b.t.w. Yes, the one who askes all the random medicinal questions and such :D)

I'm glad to see things going well... in some way... :)

Much love,
M @}-;-
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From:tigerofthewind
Date:December 10th, 2005 06:33 am (UTC)
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Having parents that don't approve really isn't that bad. They probably just need time. You have to take how long it took you to realize how you were and where your preferences were and give them at least that long to understand how you are. My Dad is just no getting to year 5 and he still doesn't approve as far as I can tell, its gotten alittle easier for him over time.
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From:roxikat
Date:December 10th, 2005 08:02 am (UTC)
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I'm really glad that you were finally able to come out to your family. It wasnt catastrophic and no blood was shed. Even though your parents disapprove, at least they won't be sitting around and lying to themselves in denial. Despite everything, it's quite possible that they'll learn to accept you as you are. You've taken the biggest and most important step and I'm really proud of you!
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From:turbinerocks
Date:December 10th, 2005 08:18 am (UTC)
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They'll eventually get over themselves, don't even worry about it. They're old, slow to change, they have a very specific idea of What Their Children Will Be When They Grow up, and you're upsetting all their plans. They'll eventually chill out. You're still their kid. The fact that your brother is supportive is totally awesome. I guess we can't ask that he be supportive of pride parades, but oh well. ;-)
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From:pathia
Date:December 10th, 2005 08:35 am (UTC)
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My brother was very upfront in our chat, he wasn't shy to discuss sexual matters.

He admitted to bias/double standard, because he can see two women having sex as being 'more okay', because you can simulate tab a into slot b with toys. He just doesn't grok anal stuff *chuckle*
From:silussa
Date:December 10th, 2005 08:24 am (UTC)
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They don't seem to accept anything initially. At all.

But then, they're not living your life. (which is probably a good thing....neither of them would probably cope, let alone enjoy it.)

You ARE mostly enjoying it, aren't you?
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From:ktiger
Date:December 10th, 2005 12:31 pm (UTC)
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Toward the end of my teenage years, I came out to my parents. Being quite straight-laced, they had a lot of difficulty accepting that I was bisexual, my mom would accuse me of saying I was bi just so they would be less upset at me... As if I had done this on purpose just to piss them off.

My father has always been a bit more of a reasonable person, I eventually talked him in to accepting that I really was bisexual. I felt like I had won some great victory until the next thing out of his mouth was, "Well, then we're only disappointed with the gay half of you."

It took years before I was able to train my parents that treating me right was the only way for them to be allowed contact with me. Hopefully yours will mellow with age as mine did.

I know how much it can hurt when your parents can't give you the love and approval that our biology insists we desire. Sometimes, as my shrink says, you just have to learn to live with the fact that your parents aren't going to provide it for you.

If it's any consolation at all, *hugs*.
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From:amberinside
Date:December 10th, 2005 12:35 pm (UTC)
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I don't know about society as a whole, but the circles I run in (and work in) are way more accepting of gay folks than of closed minded homophobes.
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From:dracoemberwing
Date:December 10th, 2005 02:46 pm (UTC)
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"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect." -Mark Twain

Sort of fitting for your parents, really. :/ Sorry they're not quite right with it.

Though its keen that your brother handled it well, right?

-Draco
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From:instant_boy
Date:December 10th, 2005 03:59 pm (UTC)

Confusionous Maximus

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Heyla, chica. Guess who? I have a question, though...

If, say, somehow you ended up doing what your parents want, and started liking girls. Wouldn't that make you...y'know, a lesbian? I'd have to say that that doesn't make sense. If they want you to be societally acceptable, I would think that liking boys is the right way to go. (Even though they're still pretty gross.)

<3 ya, Rach.
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From:mikailborg
Date:December 10th, 2005 07:42 pm (UTC)
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I'd say you did even better than 1 out of 2. While your parents are still being... ahh... stubborn, they are still treating you as a loved family member. It could be much worse.
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From:animakitty
Date:December 11th, 2005 08:32 am (UTC)

Well,

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I'm glad to hear it was practically a non-issue to your brother. That could've been...merf. o,O I hope that's a load off your mind.